So it begins?

Well here's the deal. Nathan said he wants to look into buying a house.


...woah.

It takes A LOT of work and I don't know how in the world we are going to accomplish it- but I am going to find out. He says if we find something nice here in So. Utah we could check it out. I don't mind it here, and it's definitely a good place to raise a kid. The city is growing too. Everyday I find something new.

I sit here in hopes. In hopes that something can work out- and we find a good realtor/mortage company that is nice to first time buyers.

Some of the homes I have been looking at are dreamy.

::sigh::

Wish me luck.

Searching for a Home

Just when I thought I had figured everything out.

The change

...I guess I got what I asked for.

Just not in the way I expected.

Isn't that ALWAYS the case?

My Fault...

I guess it started with the morning (as stated earlier- was off).

The rest of the day followed suit. It wasn't terible, horrible, or disasterous.

Just nothing above normal. Which is frustrating. I don't know, I guess I hold too much faith in greeting card holidays- but I like having an excuse to do something special seeing as it never happens otherwise.

I'm not going to get into details because I may just start crying again.
It was just a bad day. Not good. Bad.

Just so you know-

I'm not going to leave you, Chelsea.

Duh.

Time for Change

...You know that time.

When you feel stuck in a rut with your tires spinning.

Every day is more "meh" than before, and the stress comes at you from all different angles. When you can't rearrange furniture or cut your hair, what do you do?

Sit around and be lazy.

Oh, story of my life.

Change life, change. I am ready for it... I think.

Oh it would be nice.

::Crosses fingers::

I checked out a rental today down the street from my bestie. It's 1200sq. ft, 3 bed, 2 bath, W/D...so on and so forth.

Cons:
-No yard
-Have to go up stairs to enter
-High school directly behind units
-Questionable first impression of neighbors
-Rent goes up after 7 months about $100 if we choose to stay
-Definitely lived in, heh.
-Bedrooms aren't really that big
-Rental. Bleh.

Pros:
-Inexpensive
-HUGE 2 car garage
-6 mth lease, 7 mth free
-Super close to the mall, WalMart, food, etc.
-Bestie lives literally a block away
-We would have room for the pool table
-Dogs are OK!
-No inlaws, heh.
-3 bedrooms
-Lots of storage, wall, and floor space

Apparently there have been quite a few people checking it out in the passed few days. She said it's first come, first serve of course so the quicker we get our app in the better.

If we don't get this one- the one across the hall is opening up at the end of the month.

Please cross your fingers for us. This would be so perfect!!

Sunshine

Through the hardest of times and the worst emotional rollercoasters-
I can always catch my ground in the sunshine.
I can close my eyes and drift away, it usually only lasts a moment...
...but that moment has saved my life before.
Fresh air, sunshine, and green grass. That's all I need to feel better. Sometimes I wish it was the beach...
but where ever the sun is-
that's where I wish to be.
Until it reaches 90 degrees.
Then I dream of rain.



Typical.

Reflection- Freewrite

I stood there staring
Pondering
Wondering
Requiring too much of myself
Whether or not
I could keep shut
I could hold in

Looking back
This is what I see
Me.
Out in the open
But shut within
Bouncing back and forth
From happy to sad
Almost always mad

They drive me to scream
Break down
The Dreams

Scream.
I want to-
I should.

Desperation.
Sadness.
Confusion.
Anger.
A lot of Anger.

Redirected in the worst of ways
Somehow
I make it through

My days
Long and hard
My days
Looking back at me.

Stood there quiet
Stood there to think
Reflecting on time
I've been on the brink.