Backed Up

No... my title doesn't have anything to do with my physical *ahem* state or the fact I've been marathon-style watching Grey's Anatomy (I'm on season 6, Episode 12... I think).

I haven't been reading your blog entries like I should be. I'm behind. It makes me sad when I see I have missed ::cough:: four or more::cough:: entries. I really enjoy reading your writing. I like feeling like I am getting to know you, or... I guess that you "trust" me with your feelings, your words, and your life.

I mean, sure... most blogs are public. So, the trust thing I just said could be a bit far fetched- but for me, writing on this website is sharing. It's opening up. It's... having people read my writing. My life. My thoughts and my ideas. The ways that I feel. The ways that I handle myself.

I am trusting you not to judge me, and accept me for me. To be "an ear" (more appropriately eyes)... so, perhaps I generalize that to you. Are you trusting me to read your words and not judge you? To accept you for who you are and still be a part of your life? I hope so.

Maybe it is a good sign that I haven't had time to click click on the internet and stare at a bright screen in a dark room for longer than I do at work. I mean, I am enjoying my life... but in this enjoyment I leave behind little pieces of you behind. Ha, reading this back I am making myself sound like you all love having me read your posts and need me to. I know that's not the case- I am just trying to say sorry to those that I follow. I will read again soon.

But for now, I am going to go OUTSIDE and enjoy this beautiful weather.

Life is good. Thanks for stopping by, and I will see you on the flip side.

Cheers,
Vi

(PS- Why does my spell check insist that "internet" should be capitalized?)

Top Five!

Are you a fan of lists? Well, that's good because I am too. (If you answered no then I'd recommend skipping to the conclusion of this entry, the bulk is a bunch of lists).

What's with the sudden list frenzy? A combination of the movies Chaos Theory & High Fidelity, seasoned with a bit of my own personal organizational preferences. What a mouth full, don't read that last sentence out loud.

Did you read it out loud? Please say yes, I love the attention. I kid I kid. Wasn't this post supposed to be lists?

Well alright... Here are my favorites out of the listed categories, which could change without any given notice- because it's how I feel right now, and there's also so much left to discover. You know, that whole thing.

Top Five Favorite Movies

5. Death Race

4. NausicaA

3. Bio-Dome

2. Chaos Theory

1. Dragonheart

Top Five Favorite Albums

5. Smash- The Offspring

4. History- Michael Jackson

3. Jagged Little Pill- Alanis Morissette

2. El Cielo- Dredg

1. Make Yourself- Incubus

Top Five Favorite Songs

5. Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen (don't judge me)

4. Rebel Yell- Billy Idol

3. Wish You Were Here- Radiohead (the is the Pink Floyd cover. My choice used to be the original in this slot, but stumbling upon the Radiohead cover in a high quality set of headphones changed my mind)

2. The Canyon Behind Her- Dredg

1. Drive- Incubus

Top Five Favorite Colors

5. Black

4. Red

3. Orange

2. Brown

1. Green

Wow, I have already lost interest in making lists, and the exact reason why is: I start challenging my favorites, then have to go and listen to snippets of songs. Sheesh.

Completely random now, and forgive me for being so- it's just what I do. My friend showed off my novice virtual staging handiwork in her Photoshop class up at the University. She says they were dazzled. At least, I think she said dazzled. (I forget sometimes that I'm so vague in my posts no one really knows what I am talking about unless they know me personally... so sorry if you're in the dark. Shall I explain? I put fake furniture in photos of empty houses, so realtors can sell their houses faster. Sounds simple enough. Oh, and the contents of this paragraph are solely for my ego. I try not to let her get in the way too much, but it does feel good to be loved!) I feel like I am becoming more patient, as I teach myself the new program. It's called Autodesk 3ds Max. Holy cow, is it crazy! I've been teaching myself through random tutorials, forums, and blogs... Oh yes, tons of fun.

Valentine's Day is coming up. Hallmark's new blurp is "Valentine's Day isn't for saying, 'I love you.' It's for saying, 'I love us.'" I like it. Corporate or not, it's cute... and I'm almost a cerified authority on cute.

So this will be where I say goodnight. It's Tuesday night- and it has been a good night. I really start out with good intentions (a point, a purpose, something) in these entries but always end up rambling on. I suppose it is cathartic. Thanks for stopping by.

twittle my riddle and listen-

a whistle

goodnight like a light burnt out onsite

Cheers-

Vi

Thankful Thursday

Ah yes. It's about time, Virginia.

I am thankful for many and much.
I am thankful for all, given the chance.

I am thankful for caffeine
Laughter
Good coffee
Fast computers
Technology
Patience

I am thankful for vegetables
Nutrition
Flavor
Health
Lookin' good

I am thankful for good hair days
I am thankful for steady hands and a creative brain
I am thankful for pencils and erasers

I am thankful for payday
A big truck that runs but makes weird noises
GREAT friends and great memories

I am ever so thankful for love from all around
From close and from far
To accept and feel it from everywhere.

Love is awesome.


Go out and be thankful!

Or else! (dotdotdot your life will not be nearly as fun)

Cheers,
Vi

Throw that beat
Move your sluggish feet
Pick it up don't let it fall
Time to time to time to rock it all.

Sit, throw, back and flow
This is how my story goes-
In my ears the bass is bumping
In my heart my blood is pumping

Feeling like the sky could crash
But I don't worry- byebye in a flash.
Deep beep in my drums
Ting Tang from the slums

High strung like a mutha fucka
Fingers tapping, don't want to rush ya
But here it is- the time to run
I've just started having fun

Run, ran into my jam
Pop and lock like no one can
Smooth rhythms and beat
Move move move my feet

Roll the body and flick the wrist
Momma can't teach you moves like this
It's mine this soul this rhyme this air in time
It's mine all mine, no sour lime

Eat it, breathe it, goodbye defeat it
Lay down, Jump up, this is legit
Bounce baby, bounce baby ride
This is my kind of stride.

Keep on Truckin'

Perspective is important.
Take a deep breath.


I get tired of being patient, and wondering what's going to happen.
But I still do it.

I am not a fighter. I'm a... uh... love...er... I guess?

Am I afraid? Oh yes, of a few things. Fear comes and goes in my life, and about a year ago I wasn't afraid of anything. Nothing, literally- not even the death of those near and dear to my heart. I could ride in an elevator crowded with strangers and not have anxiety (let me tell you that is HUGE).

I had accepted that everything happens. I have control over my life, but not others. If I didn't like something I moved on to something different, or just changed the way I thought about it ("it's not all bad, there is that one good thing....").

Alas, broken down and heart broken, I cried my soul out last night. Some say it's healthy to cry every once in a while. If it's so healthy, why does it give you such a bad freaking headache and make you lose your breath? Huh? OK, I get it- emotionally healthy. Yadda yadda yadda.

I am not trying to be positive or negative in this post, mostly just ranting like I usually do. No point, of course. If there was a point that means I carefully thought out what I was going to say then went back and edited what I didn't want in here.

Not gonna happen this mornin' friends.

Oh, I am going horseback riding tomorrow!! Not trail riding-nose-to-butt stuff, but REAL riding! I can't believe how perfect the timing is. I haven't ridden a real horse (I know trail horses are "real" but honestly, they barely have brains... it's sad) since I was about twelve, and those horses didn't have proper training or anything. The jist is that my friend and I would hop a fence and go up in the hills behind our houses and use homemade rope halters as reins. No saddle or anything- just one little rope. Ha. Good times.

Can you tell I am excited? Horses are fantastic. I have always had a little dream to ride everyday.

I have been thinking about writing everyday. Not on this blog, but real writing. The kind that you secretly (or openly) want to share with the world, preferably published.

What is my story? Gosh, I can't decide. Fiction? Memoir? Manual?

Ha, manual. I could write one heck of a how-to on some things. Maybe I could write a fictional manual for something hilarious. Ah, I am not so good with the constant humor. Every once in a while sure. I nail it. But writing a satire would be incredibly hard for me.

Maybe that means I should write a satire? Why not make it challenging? Oh I know why- it won't be fun. It would be too hard. For my *ahem* first big story I think it should be really fun. Something I feel passionately about.

Or know really well.

::shrug:: I guess for now I should get to work. I am, indeed, sitting at my desk at work. So I should work.

Ta Ta for now. Thanks for tuning in. Really, who ever reads this thing may also be my first readers of a book I someday write. How does that sound?

Useless

This weekend was terribly boring. I had absolutely no motivation to do anything.

I also had no where I had to be... nothing I really had to do.

So, I did nothing.

OK, so I watched movies and TV all day, but seriously? I didn't really even eat.
Why didn't I write?
Why didn't I draw?
Why didn't I clean?
Why didn't I organize something?

Why didn't I go for a walk?
Why didn't I MAKE something for me to do?

I just sat, or laid, around feeling bored and lazy.
Let's just say today, Monday, I am feeling the same way- only I am obligated to be at work. I am obligated to work... yet here I am blogging.

What's going on? I see these things in front of me... I think they are called options... but I ignore them, and take literally the easiest way. Just the last few days mind you. But still.

Uh... why? I can't even really say why. I am feeling excessively lazy and like the world owes me something- even though that's not right. I know that's not right, I shouldn't feel like anyone owes me anything, because they don't. But here I am- complaining at work, complaining at home, complaining to myself because no one wants to hear my pity party invitations read out loud.

I am not having a pity party... I just... well, I guess I'm just not in a very good mood. Hopefully something will change soon or I might start to worry. This sucks. In my head I can think all sorts of things... you know, like: "It would feel great to take Vince on a long walk and let him sniff everything he wants" but out loud I'll say (to myself): "But Jubs HATES the cold and I have to DRAG him to get him to walk with me and if I leave him home alone he'll just BARK and WHINE the whole time".

Excuses are fun aren't they? No, you're right- they're not. They're not even good.

Oh well. Turn around mood! Turn around! Grr!

Ah, yes. The ever so standard, "It's been a while" post.

What is love?

Is love spending the night on the bathroom floor, laying next to your boyfriend who got entirely too wasted at the bar (and you weren't even there to have fun with him)? Is love accepting the fact that everyone makes bad decisions... and no matter how sad you are that you didn't get any real conscious/quality time with him... you still cuddle up next to him on the floor of the bathroom and read a book until you're tired enough to pass out?

Yes, perhaps that is love. Or stupidity. Or insanity. Or obsession. Or, maybe you can take your pick. I don't care. :)

I do... ever so much... love him.

...and he loves me.


And I'm happy.