Survival

Hi everyone.

It's definitely been a while since I've written.  Hey- I never promised regular entries, though I may have hinted at it on occasion.

Here's one for you. :)

You know how life likes to become extraordinarily challenging from time to time?  You know... to make sure you're still paying attention?  That's what's going on right now in my little world.

Thanks Life, it's a good thing I like you.

Is all that vague enough for you?  I'm REALLY trying to be positive if it wasn't obvious.  Things are pretty tough right now in my body, mind, and soul.  This huge change has... well... it definitely tilted my security.  I'm off.  Distracted.  Feeling stranded, dependent, sad, confused, frustrated and just plain bad.

I shouldn't!!!  Duh.  I have a roof over my head, I have a good job, I have family, I have a beautiful son, a wonderful boyfr... ugh OK you guys get it.  Said it before and all that junk.

Anyway...

Once things smooth out (oh please oh please I hope they do soon!!!) I'll be able to gain a different perspective on all this, and in turn one can hope to learn and grow from it all.  The usual Lifetime Drama storyline, minus the neighbor with down syndrome and the little brother who is struggling to make friends in his new school.

It's not Thursday, but maybe a smooshing of things I am thankful for in this next paragraph will help with my trek in the right direction. Alrighty:

living above the city & being able to see the stars - my favorite voice singing & telling me he loves me over & over & over on the phone every night - unconditional, true, love - a great job that i am really good at - old friends - new friends- the "quiet car" on the train - getting better at holding my tongue - being able to think of things i am thankful for even though it's so easy to get pissed off at everything - kind "family" - helpful friends - readers who get this far into my blog (hey, thanks by the way...) - breath in my lungs, strength in my muscles, will power - a tv that also functions as an awesome computer monitor - healthy food - free stuff - motorcycles that run - the best dog in the world - aaaaaaand....

LIFE.

Oh yes Life, that's right I am thankful for you.  During a spell of negativity I found myself wishing I could be like a fox, or ant, or bird, or any non-domesticated creature for that matter.  Their sense of purpose is simple.  They have the same goal every day.  No need to question themselves.  No need to wonder, "Why has this happened to me?"  The weight of free will doesn't exist in their lives.  Imagine that.

Truth is, wasting your time daydreaming about being somewhere else or being someone else doesn't change a damn thing.  Just makes you feel worse.  I am an advocate for "The Secret" also known as the Law of Attraction so if I stay in this dark place more dark things will happen.  I know this.  I am trying!  Well, maybe I am.  It feels like I am... but ya know, it would be nice if things would just fall into place already!!