Every night I have a million things to write about. Ok, Ok, not a million- but plenty.
I try and weed out what's lame vs. what's interesting and I usually end up writing the lame stuff.
Heh.
This, although, is not so lame.
Last night I felt Her. I felt Her close to me, like I haven't since right after she passed. My Mom.
She was here. I know it. I have no doubt. I could have practically thrown my arms around Her and cried.
I was sitting on the couch, after T went to bed, and Nathan was still sleeping. I was thoroughly engrossed in a Jeremy Irons flick when I- for no apparent reason- closed my eyes and felt warm.
I tilted my head to the left, smiled, and saw Her standing behind me, behind the couch, with Her hand on my shoulder. She ran Her hand softly over my hair and down the right side of my neck. She looked down at me and smiled. I smiled back, and soaked Her in.
She was here. I know it.
Maybe as a reminder that She will always be able to help me, always have an influence- or maybe it's because I am ready to really see Her... not by dying... but by opening up.
I have always felt like I was ready to "see" Her standing in front of me with Her beautiful smile, red hair, and arms out stretched... but maybe I never really was.
Perhaps last night was the first night.
I understand this is...well...controversial, and some people are holding back scoffs or lifting eyebrows at me- but who's to say this isn't just a terrible anecdote I am working up for reading pleasure (or pain?).
Back to the point at hand.
I miss my Mom. I always will. Duh. The thing is, I really need Her. Most folks pray to "God". I usually pray to my Mom. On occasion I have slipped "God" into my private conversation to Her, but for the most part it's She and I.
She was strong. She was wonderful.
Thank you Mom, for being with me last night. Thank You for being so close, and letting me feel Your touch again. I needed it- You know that. Maybe now I am strong enough to be closer to You.
It was wonderful.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Back to the Bar
Tonight. Oh glorious, glorious Thursday Night.
You are good to me.
Tonight was Ayla's and my first time back to our "regular" Thursday night routine after a month. The One and Only.
Seriously, playing pool is one of my most favorite things in the world to do. I just love love it.
I can't wait to set up our table... too bad it's has to wait until we buy a house. One of the criteria for our future home is: room for the pool table.
It's OK if it's in the garage. It's still up. The inlaws won't let us put it up here. Even though there is a plethora of room.
I digress.
Back to the bar. Night started out perfectly- our table was WIDE open. Not busy. Smoke-filled... but not terribly. Decent bar tender. Familiar faces.
I had $10 in my pocket itchin' to be turned into quarters. OH ya- I said $10. Pure quarter bliss.
One game is $ .75.
That's good shtuff.
Hm... apparently tonight is a rambling night. Joyous.
Ayla and I began playing. We were definitely even in skill for the night. That's how it usually goes. She wins. I win.
About 1/2 way into the night's shinanigans [no pistol whipping please{Broken Lizard fans}] another usual showed up. He's cool. A tad creepy, but cool. He always buys us beer. Not just any beer- Guinness. So of course he's cool.
...He bought us some beers. Just 2 each- but that's still $18.
The games were going nicely. Duh, they always do.
At one point I glanced up before a wickedly awesome shot and caught the eye of a skinny older guy wearing a leather jacket, sporting a pointy black goatee, and an Epiphone beanie. He smiled, I smiled-- we're in a friendly place and we all talk to everyone.
A little while later said skinny guy comes over to talk pool. It's always nice when people can actually talk and not feel like they have to be better than each other. We were instant friends.
Later that night we played each other. He even owns his own fancy-shmancy cue with a pearlized spider in the handle.
I kicked his ass. I left him standing with 4 balls on the table. Hehe. ::gloat, gloat, pat on back, gloat, smug grin:: My 8 ball shot was simply beautiful. Relatively long sharp angle with intent to pocket in the side. I glided the cue along my hand and nailed it. Right pressure. Right angle. Smooth sailing straight to the pocket.
You better believe I felt like the most amazing person ever :0).
More good music was played, too. It's unusual for that to happen because most of the time it's old country or old rock. Not that I am entirely against either of those types- it's just nice to hear something I really dig every once in a while.
One of the other regulars noticed that I dyed my hair. Heh. Love that.
The BEST part of the night, hands down, was when when two very familiar and deemed long-lost faces came waltzing in the door.
The old bartender and her husband. Awesome!! It was so great to see them.
We met in the middle of the bar and exchanged some hugs, how ya been's, and random chit chat.
Seeing them again was really just one reason I love this town. It's small- but there are some great people here. Granted, a great deal of the ::cough::adults::cough:: in this town are morons, but you get that in ANY city.
I guess what my ramblings this evening are all about is this:
Tonight was fun. Very fun.
Thanks Ayla (even though you don't have the internet).
See ya next Thursday!!
(PS- I seriously apologize for saying the same words over and over and over again... it's 1am, I just got home, and I am a bit tired 'n whatnot. Cheers!)
You are good to me.
Tonight was Ayla's and my first time back to our "regular" Thursday night routine after a month. The One and Only.
Seriously, playing pool is one of my most favorite things in the world to do. I just love love it.
I can't wait to set up our table... too bad it's has to wait until we buy a house. One of the criteria for our future home is: room for the pool table.
It's OK if it's in the garage. It's still up. The inlaws won't let us put it up here. Even though there is a plethora of room.
I digress.
Back to the bar. Night started out perfectly- our table was WIDE open. Not busy. Smoke-filled... but not terribly. Decent bar tender. Familiar faces.
I had $10 in my pocket itchin' to be turned into quarters. OH ya- I said $10. Pure quarter bliss.
One game is $ .75.
That's good shtuff.
Hm... apparently tonight is a rambling night. Joyous.
Ayla and I began playing. We were definitely even in skill for the night. That's how it usually goes. She wins. I win.
About 1/2 way into the night's shinanigans [no pistol whipping please{Broken Lizard fans}] another usual showed up. He's cool. A tad creepy, but cool. He always buys us beer. Not just any beer- Guinness. So of course he's cool.
...He bought us some beers. Just 2 each- but that's still $18.
The games were going nicely. Duh, they always do.
At one point I glanced up before a wickedly awesome shot and caught the eye of a skinny older guy wearing a leather jacket, sporting a pointy black goatee, and an Epiphone beanie. He smiled, I smiled-- we're in a friendly place and we all talk to everyone.
A little while later said skinny guy comes over to talk pool. It's always nice when people can actually talk and not feel like they have to be better than each other. We were instant friends.
Later that night we played each other. He even owns his own fancy-shmancy cue with a pearlized spider in the handle.
I kicked his ass. I left him standing with 4 balls on the table. Hehe. ::gloat, gloat, pat on back, gloat, smug grin:: My 8 ball shot was simply beautiful. Relatively long sharp angle with intent to pocket in the side. I glided the cue along my hand and nailed it. Right pressure. Right angle. Smooth sailing straight to the pocket.
You better believe I felt like the most amazing person ever :0).
More good music was played, too. It's unusual for that to happen because most of the time it's old country or old rock. Not that I am entirely against either of those types- it's just nice to hear something I really dig every once in a while.
One of the other regulars noticed that I dyed my hair. Heh. Love that.
The BEST part of the night, hands down, was when when two very familiar and deemed long-lost faces came waltzing in the door.
The old bartender and her husband. Awesome!! It was so great to see them.
We met in the middle of the bar and exchanged some hugs, how ya been's, and random chit chat.
Seeing them again was really just one reason I love this town. It's small- but there are some great people here. Granted, a great deal of the ::cough::adults::cough:: in this town are morons, but you get that in ANY city.
I guess what my ramblings this evening are all about is this:
Tonight was fun. Very fun.
Thanks Ayla (even though you don't have the internet).
See ya next Thursday!!
(PS- I seriously apologize for saying the same words over and over and over again... it's 1am, I just got home, and I am a bit tired 'n whatnot. Cheers!)
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