Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Wow, I have 61 followers.  I mean, I knew I was awesome but...


I guess what I am really trying to say is thank you.  Thank you followers for stopping by from time to time to read the random musings of a quarter-aged woman going through life as positively as possible.  Your visits and comments are immensely appreciated, and help reassure me my words mean something.

I mean, why else say something unless it's useful...?

Because it feels good, that's why.
That's why I'm here.  Writing feels good.  Having people like my writing feels better.  Sharing personal insights and reading others' blogs are just one way to reach out and connect.  Technology is an interesting thing, eh?  Bringing so many to believe they have all the answers right at their fingertips, almost immediately- shortening our attention spans to almost nothing and completely erasing the need for memory....

Thankfully, not everyone experiences this.  Though there are plenty that still fall victim to society's pull and wish to prove something, be cool, be the best-- I feel as though there is a rapidly growing percentage of folks who just want to be heard and share genuine positive feelings with those willing to listen.  Would you agree?  I mean, step back for a second and consider how the focus has shifted from "bigger is better" to "efficient and renewable is BEST!".  *Ahem* For those of you sitting back and thinking, "All those people who take their own bags into the grocery store are crazy hippies" then maybe you're on the wrong blog?  I kid, I kid.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE TECHNOLOGY.  Here I am, sitting with my bass heavy headphones blasting Mika in my ears, checking weather updates for my trip to California this weekend, and sporting fake toenails (ya, don't ask...), but that doesn't mean I'm not trying.

Oh Earth.  One in a million.

Have you seen The Pyramid Code [[on Netflix Instant Watch- yes, I'm addicted]]?  SO AWESOME.  I highly recommend it if you have a natural gravitation toward Egypt or forward thinking.  Good stuff.  It's five 45 minute or so episodes, most of it is wordy and sometimes it's all over the place- but if you sit through the duration there is brilliant insight to be had.

Yes, I've had a few glasses of wine, but I am celebrating.  I will be with my son tomorrow.  Just thinking about it makes me want to tear up.... I can't believe I survived SIX months without seeing him.  Yes, I feel like a terrible mom (I know I'm not, but it eats me up inside everyday and night...), I feel empty and lost without fulfilling my purpose...

*Clears throat*  Alright enough of that.  In August I will see my baby on a regular basis.  I will be his Mom.  I will be his AWESOME mom.  I have no doubt moving to California will be hard, but every time I wrap my arms around that incredibly intelligent, creative little man things will fall into place.

Life IS good. Life is worth living.  Ya, I like that.

Good night everyone.  Thanks for tuning in, and I wish you an adventurous weekend.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Goin' to California with an achin' in my heeeeart...

Everything is coming up so fast... six weeks is not a long time.

Holy crap, we move to California in six weeks.

Ah yes... Matt and I have made the big decision to move back to California.  I really need to be closer to Trevor- it's breaking my heart and soul to be so far away from him.  It's the right time to make this move.  I know it.  Well, I HAVE to tell myself I know this.

Let's face it- I moved to Utah and fell in love.  I finally felt like I was free of the anguish that tangled me up in all the negative energy that strangles California (woah, what a loaded sentence).

Perhaps.... yes, perhaps I am strong enough now to take California head on.  To face new challenges and move above and beyond all the petty BS that is the society & economy.  I do have a certain level of angst and fear going into this move, as we will be left with virtually no funds, and currently haven't found jobs or a home...

...Hey didn't I say I was trying to be positive?  Ya, about that...

Switching subject: A telephone conversation (for lack of a better word) a couple nights ago left me shaking and overwhelmed.  I finally broke my barrier of control and let EVERYTHING out.  I said EVERYTHING I wanted to say.  Oh dear me, a lady would never expel such things.

Good thing I'm not much of a lady (unless the occasion calls for it, but I digress).

The general outcome of all this is really really positive.  It wasn't easy to hear some things that were said, nor was it easy to say things I said.  What's done is done.  Hopefully from here on out things will be a little, eh, easier.  I know it's just a Band-Aid brand bandage on a seething wound but perhaps with proper care and time the wound will just become a scar?

Oh metaphors.  So fun.

In other news I've finally knocked down my artists' block.  Thank goodness.  I have a feeling MAKING myself do something original for my resume is the kick starter.  I'm feeling all rejuvenated and creative and junk.  Ya, well, maybe mostly junk.

I've got ads to scour and laundry to attend, so I will leave y'all ("you all" for the anti-slang fans) with a parting ditty:

...nope, got nothing.  Told ya, mostly junk.