Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Mountain

Today was my first snowy day on the mountain for the season. It was amazing. But, I didn't ski- I did something far more valuable with my time...

I filled out paperwork and set up a training date for the National Ability Center. [[here'sthesite]] I'm volunteering!! I am so excited to be a part of their program, it's such a wonderful thing that they do (well, that WE do).

In other news I am still trying to keep my head up and stay strong. The Universe has a funny way of bringing us peace and I will try my best to be patient...

::raises her glass of chocolate milk:: Cheers All! Happy weekend!
(Countless moments I think of you. You are my inspiration, my strength, and one of the most amazing souls in the world. I know one day we'll be together again, for real, in the right way, but the obstacles in our path are great and many. My son, I love you. Blessed Be.)

Thursday, November 18, 2010


That's right... 300.

Not the glorious, visually-striking-movie kind of 300...

This is my 300th post.

I have so much to say, and it's a rare occasion when I don't. The gift of gab, as some would say.

My twenties have brought new adventure, knowledge, insight, and wisdom. Our lives are ALWAYS filled with challenges and decisions. I may have not made all the right choices in some folks' eyes but I made them nonetheless. This can't be, won't be, changed.

Reading old posts and reminiscing about the here and there- I've discovered a few things. I've always followed my heart. My head gets in the way sometimes and makes it harder to listen to my heart... but it is what it is.

I'm going through something huge right now and it is a pressing burden. The struggle to stay calm, understanding, forgiving, and accepting is wearing on me. My internal strength is thinning but thankfully I have a great support "team".

I don't completely understand what is going on right now, I have no idea how to go about fixing it, and thinking about the future too much makes me scared. Fear is something I don't hold on to but when it keeps coming back and coming back and coming back I begin to lose touch with my meditative, present, self.

I guess that's what it means to be human. When we pray for patience are we granted patience straight-up or given the opportunity to be patient? When we pray for answers are we given them on a platter or are we presented with the signs and chances to discover the solution? I think you know what I mean...

This challenge is mine, and considering where my life has been taking me I feel as though I need to be EXTREMELY patient, and not fight. Fighting is not the answer. Fighting never is. It always seems to make the path twistier and harder... when it seems as though we can listen, wait, and be positive. Then the better side of life is presented.

I'm rambling.... but it feels nice. Thanks for reading, my friends. I hope somewhere out there in the world my words make sense, and if they only make sense to me then so be it. I will keep doing what I do- smiling the way I smile- laughing at anything I can- dancing everyday- singing to myself- looking in the mirror and seeing a beautiful and strong woman- believing I am good- knowing I am good- knowing I try- accepting when I fail- being thankful for the breath in my lungs and the love in my life- and being me...

If you think I'm being fake, pretentious, naive, lame, or childish then perhaps it's your own mirror you need to look in? And when you do look in the mirror I want you to know that no matter what is on the outside0 you are beautiful and good. Being positive is a choice and if you want change you must make it happen inside yourself first. Life IS good, though things may have been taken away, lost, or forgotten. Be honest with yourself, and LOVE yourself... then once you get into that groove- share your love with everyone else! :)

That's my 300 cents.
Have a good day everyone... in fact, have a good few days... maybe even a good week. Keep it going.

Much love,

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

You Make Do.

What happens when your world suddenly turns on a dime?
What happens when that dime is all you have?

You make do.

Choose what you wish to believe, the power inside of me is beginning to break free and become known to the world.

I have spirit. I have strength. I have humility and forgiveness. I have acceptance, and above all I have faith in the power to stay positive. As well as faith in many other things (and people).

The path is twisted, dark, and scary at times. It's a good thing I have my lantern, my love, my dogs, and my breathing. I am walking toward a bigger and better solution that is currently out of site. I am patient, even though I can't see it, I know it is there.

I will bide my time by writing lyrics in my mind, and if I am lucky I'll get them down somewhere.

I feel a greater purpose for my life. I feel a greater strength in myself- one I never thought possible.

Steady as we go, there's no need to rush. All things will be discovered in time. I have no doubt that truth and honesty prevail. In my heart, I believe perfection is the pursuit of wholeness... and I discovered along that way that perfection has been imperfect the entire time! Isn't that a riot?

I have no intention of saying I know more than you. I have no intention of making it appear that I know more than you. I know less than many.

But what I feel.... how I feel...

I wish more (I wish all) would join me.

I have been writing in these vague philosophical manners because it's the best I can do. I am going through something gigantic and honestly, it's fun to write like this. Generally speaking, it's fun to write no matter what- but having a little timeless spin on it makes me happy.

So there ya go.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I would be lying if I said my hands aren't shaking and my jaw isn't aching like I've been chewing on leather all day.

My heart races from time to time, and the idea of loss and fear plague me, though they hold no solid ground. There is no reason for these emotions, truly, but the ever-so-fragile side of me is trying to show and I am fighting it every moment.

I will fight to remain strong and positive. I know things will be as they should. I know it. Just getting there is a rough and bumpy road, and I feel like I've hit my head a few times along the way....

Dreams, the little and the big things....

We all have our certain set of dreams... job, home, family, hobby...

How often do the details of your dreams change? I'd venture to say- a lot.

Every time you sit back (in your mind of course) and really think about what is important to you- it directly correlates with your present situation. "Scientifically proven".

My dreams, at I sit behind this computer clickity clicking away, consist of things for other people. Am I completely happy? Are my dreams absolutely fulfilled? Not quite yet. But, here I sit wishing the best for others.

I am no saint, I am no miracle worker. But I am thankful, I am healthy, and I know what it means to truly love.

I wish, I dream, to spread the feeling of love throughout... slowly, bit by bit, I hope to send a message.

The message....?
I'll let you know when I can figure out how to put it into words. For now, I guess I can just say "Thank you".