Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hooray.

Once again, the world wide web is available to me under my own roof.

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This is splendid news. Today, I plan to take pictures of where I am living and some other things to give y'all a better image of where I am at. Instead of just knowing it's cold and it's a house. LOL.

Unfortunately, I don't start work until the 3rd- and if it doesn't start snowing (for real) soon I might not be starting full time on the 6th like I am supposed to. What am I doing? You may be asking...

I totally scored an amazing job as a mountain photographer for Deer Valley Ski Resort. I don't get to take pictures of people in motion (yet)... I stand at the top of a designated lift and take pictures of families and stuff before they head down the mountain. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun, but here's the deal... it's commission so I can make lots 'n lots of cashola. Also, the perk, is I don't have to (more like, I am not allowed to) approach them. The skiers have to come to me. Yay for not feeling like a Disneyland photographer! If you have no idea what I am talking about, just smile and nod.

I guess now is just as good of a time as any to explain to those patient followers why I am where I am (holy weird sentence Batman). I have separated myself from Nathan, my husband, for more reasons than I care to share at this point in time. I do, however, wish the world to know that Nathan is not a bad man at all. He never treated me terribly, hit me, or treated Trevor in any manner that's harmful. I have been called (and called myself) a free spirit since I can remember. This time my free spirit may have lost me a few of my dearest friends, but in this life of mine I cannot be unhappy. All I can do is wish that others will accept me (and thank you to those that truly have- and I love you forever) and understand that I am not far away even though it feels like it.

I am beginning to ramble. If you like, I can proceed. Otherwise I will just say "ta ta".

Alright, alright.... I will keep going. Thanks Taryn (hehe).

In cases such as mine many, many people will ask why I didn't stay and try to make it work with my husband. They will argue that it is what needs to be done, and I have made an incredibly selfish decision that can never be seen as positive.

What do I do? Well... I respect them for having the courage to tell me their opinion, and understand their anger or loss of respect for me. It's all I can do. I cannot be angry for them or at them. They are being themselves- and trying to help me.

Unfortunately, some friends of mine will never understand completely. They will remove me from their fore mind, and think of me in pain and regret. I do not feel sorry for them. I do not feel pain.

I am becoming more than I ever have been before. Growing bigger and faster in my mind and heart. Seeing the world and universe through a god's eyes.

I love you, my "known" readers. I love you, my dear friends. I love you, my family. I love you, universe. I love you, my wonderful wonderful son. I love you, most of all, me.

I wish I could say "sorry" and mean it to those whom I have hurt. Sorry is not in my mind. I know I have hurt (terribly) those who were close to me, especially Nathan... but he knows I cannot be held back. He has been tremendously amazing with me through all this. To feel sorry right now is to be out of alignment.

I am happy. Everyday I am thankful for the breath in my lungs and the beating of my heart. Everyday I am thankful for a healthy and amazing boy (although not with me physically- always with me in my heart). Everyday I am thankful. Everyday I am happy.