Reflection- Freewrite

I stood there staring
Pondering
Wondering
Requiring too much of myself
Whether or not
I could keep shut
I could hold in

Looking back
This is what I see
Me.
Out in the open
But shut within
Bouncing back and forth
From happy to sad
Almost always mad

They drive me to scream
Break down
The Dreams

Scream.
I want to-
I should.

Desperation.
Sadness.
Confusion.
Anger.
A lot of Anger.

Redirected in the worst of ways
Somehow
I make it through

My days
Long and hard
My days
Looking back at me.

Stood there quiet
Stood there to think
Reflecting on time
I've been on the brink.