At my wits end, I paced my room and tried not to hyperventilate.
I wished I could hear something beside my uneven breathing and thoughts racing with disdain and regret.
All I could do was text my best friend and plead for something to keep me in line.
The wind was racing outside- like it, too, was trying to find an escape.
I turned toward the door and decided to just think of the wind... and go outside. There is electricity and energy found on windy days that is scarce when it's still. I prayed to the Earth hoping its elements would bring me back together.
Once outside, I began petting Vince and he was restless as well. He gets stuck outside 75% more when they are here because...
...I digress....back to story...
I was sitting outside petting Vince when I glanced left and there they were. Two tiny birds laying still on the concrete. I practically broke the sound barrier running over to them.
Hummingbirds. Beautiful. One male and one female. They must have been mates...
As I was examining them the male twittered a bit. He opened and blinked his eyes! I smiled from inside out. As I fought Vince off the poor deceased female, I delicately picked the male up and placed him in my left palm.
He stayed there in my hand, alive. Blinking his eyes.
I talked to him, pet him, held him close. I don't know much about birds (OK, I barely know anything) but because of my current state of being it seemed like I could feel his pain for losing the other bird.
I felt it. It may have been my imagination, my need for connection, whatever... but I definitely felt something.
It was amazing. I cried a little (maybe a lot), and before I knew it he had perked up. He moved his head around and then he looked right at me. He stared for a moment. I couldn't help but smile.
He flew away.
I feel I saved his life. I know if I hadn't gone outside Vince would have had his way with them. He is a dog after all.
I have never in my life felt that feeling before. It was wonderful holding him in my hand until he felt comfortable enough to leave. I can only imagine how the people who foster, rescue, help wild animals every day feel.
Maybe it's time to find a better hobby.