Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ambition, Tenacity, Dedication...

Every day since I have been unemployed hundreds of ideas have rushed through my head along the lines of, "What should I do today?"

I am fully aware that there are plenty of things I can do that cost little or no money at all.

For example:
1. Drawing
2. Skateboarding (or rather, learning how to)
3. Reading
4. Working out
5. Taking the puppies to the park
6. Working on my personal business Ultra Selects
7. Laying out in the sunshine
8. Swimming
9. Cleaning

See what I mean? My problem is, and always has been, lack of motivation. It's the first little step that is the hardest for me to take. I always make excuses for why I end up sitting on my butt behind a computer all day... It's pretty easy to make excuses...

1. Not inspired
2. Don't wanna hurt myself
3. Don't have a good book
4. No tapes, routines, or any idea what to do really....
5. Too hot
6. Not fun, after all, it is work
7. Boring
8. I have to hop the wall in and out of the pool because we don't have a key
9. Matt's still sleeping and I don't wish to wake him

So I sit here, on the super comfy couch, sipping iced coffee and writing this blog. Have I nothing better to do?

Why can't I just get up and be active? Why is it so hard for me to just do something? I've been having issues making decisions lately, too. Little ones, easy ones. Every day I feel pretty useless, pointless, and well... just not motivated to keep myself entertained.

I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Maturing is a funny thing because you begin seeing things in new (and sometimes mortifying) ways. I went to a bar the other night with some friends, and although I had a wonderful designated driver (Thank you Danielle) I didn't feel like drinking. There I was, sober, amongst drunk people. There was a young girl there who is wonderful, beautiful, but young... She is very smart and reminded me of myself when I was that age. Granted- I am not old by any means- but as far as maturity goes I have learned (and applied) endless amounts of knowledge in four years.

Oh wow, I'm babbling. See what happens when I am bored? Sorry that has no point :). I know there are some events going on today so I'm going to get myself up off the couch. Kind of a miracle, I know... but here I go...